I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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