She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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