the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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