Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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