he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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