piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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