Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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