I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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