after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
