Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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