Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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