Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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