If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We named our party play list daddy issues
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Still dying that you shit outside
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize