I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
