dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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