Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
