ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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