does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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