We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
