It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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