Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
