If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.