Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
