she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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