This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
