We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
