you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
