okay pat passed out under dana's car
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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