I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Bring me that man meat
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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