I need help removing her.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
