she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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