Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
