I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
