She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
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do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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