I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
