just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize