Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
