Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
two words: eviction party
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
