Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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