He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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