the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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