he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You ruined the universe
Randomize
