the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
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Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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