Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
soo... how was my night?
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