I faked an abortion last night.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
