Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
