is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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