Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
