so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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