What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
