You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
