mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
