I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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