Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
