I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
