Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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