Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
