You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
