Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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