you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we're making bets on your personal life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
